1) Get a 1996 Pontiac Sunfire GT. Red. With red-tinted windows (by GILA)

2) Slap stickers all down the side of it just behind the doors.

3) Slam that baby on custom suspension so your pan's only 2" off the asphalt.

4) Shove some 17" wheels on it with Fuzion ZR-1 skins.

5) Get one can of Sea Foam. Pour into throttle-body as directed. Let sit. Start engine. Smoke out entire neighborhood. Piss off neighbors who just washed their cars.

6) Follow SF instructions and take your car for an oil change after engine has ingested and regurgitated same.

7) Have some bald (typical) jaggoff in a Porsche 911 Turbo spy your slammed-out Sunfire GT and roll on you.

8) When he misses a shift trying to be cool and dust you, floor it, get in front of him and watch with untold unimaginable pleasure as your little Pontiac shyts out the REST of the Sea Foam it was hanging onto in a cloud that would make Spy Hunter proud.

9) Listen (since you can't see the Pusha anymore due to smoke screen) for the squeal of tires as the Porsche locks 'em up on the Interstate at 75 MPH and laugh till you cry and the rearview mirror gets blurry from your joy.

10) Wait for now-covered-in-carbon-and-Sea Foam Porsche to pull up next to you so you can break out into gales of laughter again, but this time be able to point and say "So, Baldy...how's that Porsche working out for you?" Watch redness spread to top of head as he berates you and then point out that he just got dusted by a Sunfire, while everyone else sitting at the light looks on and listens, then joins in your laughter.

The one time I forget to take my video camera with me.